Don’t Be a Tourist

Now came the time for our big mountain climb. Japhy came over in late afternoon on his bike to get me. We took out Alvah’s knapsack and put it in his bike basket. I took out socks and sweaters. But I had no climbing shoes and the only things that could serve were Japhy’s tennis sneakers, old but firm.

 

Living vs. Spectating

 

From the very first moment we’d “met Morley he’d kept emitting sudden yodels in keeping with our venture. TMs was a simple “Yodelayhee” but it came at the oddest mo-ments and in oddest circumstances, like several times when his CMnese and German friends were still around, then later in the car, sitting with us enclosed, “Yodelayhee!” and then as we got out of the car to go in the bar, “Yodelayhee!”

Now as Japhy woke up and saw it was dawn and jumped out of the bags and ran to gather firewood and shudder over a little preliminary fire, Morley woke up from his nervous small sleep of dawn, yawned, and yelled “Yodelayhee!” which echoed toward vales in the distance. I got up too; it Was all we could do to hold together; the only thing to do was hop around and flap your arms, like me and my sad bum on the gon on the south coast. But soon Japhy got more logs on the fire and it was a roaring bonfire that we turned our backs to after a while and yelled and talked. 

A beautiful morning-red pristine shafts of sunlight coming in over the hill and slanting down into the cold trees like ca-thedral light, and the mists rising to meet the sun, and all the way around the giant secret roar of tumbling creeks probably with films of ice in the pools. Great fishing country. Pretty soon I was yelling “Yodelayhee” myself but when Japhy went to fetch more wood and we couldn’t see him for a while and Morley yelled “Yodelayhee” Japhy answered back with a simple “Hoo” which he said was the Indian way to call in the mountains and much nicer. So I began to yell “Hoo” myself.

Then we got in the car and started off. We ate the bread and cheese. No difference between the Morley of this morn-ing and the Morley of last night, except his voice as he rat-tled on yakking in that cultured snide funny way of his was sorta cute with that morning freshness, like the way people’s voices sound after getting up early in the morning, something faintly wistful and hoarse and eager in it, ready for a new day. Soon the sun was warm. The black bread was good, it had been baked by Sean Monahan’s wife, Sean who had a shack in Corte Madera we could all go live in free of rent some day.

Three Things to Avoid

The cheese was sharp Cheddar. But it didn’t satisfy me much and when we got out into coun-try with no more houses and anything I began to yearn for a good old hot breakfast and suddenly after we’d gone over a little creek bridge we saw a merry little lodge by the side of the road under tremendous juniper trees with smoke boiling out of the chimney and neon signs outside and a sign in the window advertising pancakes and hot coffee.

Meanwhile I went out to the log Johns out back and washed from water in the tap which was delightfully cold and made my face tingle, then I drank some of it and it was like cool liquid ice in my stomach and sat there real nice, and I had more. Shaggy dogs were barking in the golden red sunlight slanting down from the hundred-foot branches of the firs and ponderosas. I could see snowcapped mountains glittering in the distance. One of them was Matterhorn. I went in and the pancakes were ready, hot and steaming, and poured syrup over my three pats of butter and cut them up and slurped hot coffee and ate. So did Henry and Japhy-for once no conversa-tion.

1. Entitlement

Japhy, kneeling there studying his star map, leaning for-ward slightly to peek up through the overhanging gnarled old rock country trees, with his goatee and all, looked, with that mighty grawfaced rock behind him, like, exactly like the vision I had of the old Zen Masters of China out in the wilderness. He was leaning forward on his knees, upward looking, as if with a holy sutra in his hands. Pretty soon he went to the snowbank and brought back the chocolate pudding which was now ice cold and absolutely delicious beyond words. We ate it all up.

2. Itinerary

As the fire stopped roaring and just got to be red coals, but big ones six feet long, the night interposed its icy crystal feel 1 more and more but with the smell of smoking logs it was as delicious as chocolate pudding. For a while I went on a little walk by myself, out by the shallow iced creek, and sat meditating against a stump of dirt and the huge mountain walls on both sides of our valley were silent masses. Too cold to do this more than a minute.

3. High Expectations

As I came back our orange fire casting its glow on the big rock, and Japhy kneeling and peering up at the sky, and all of it ten thousand feet above the gnashing world, was a picture of peace and good sense. There was an-other aspect of Japhy that amazed me: his tremendous and tender sense of charity. He was always giving things, always practicing what the Buddhists call the Paramita of Dana, the perfection of charity.

 

 

“Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life.”

—John Kerouac

 

 

 

While he snored I woke up and just lay flat back with my eyes to the stars and thanked God I’d come on this mountain climb. My legs felt better, my whole body felt strong. The crack of the dying logs was like Japhy making little com-ments on my happiness. I looked at him, his head was buried way under inside his duck-down bag. His little huddled form was the only thing I could see for miles of darkness that was so packed and concentrated with eager desire to be good.

I thought, “What a strange thing is man . . . like in the Bible it says, Who knoweth the spirit of man that looketh upward? This poor kid ten years younger than I am is making me look like a fool forgetting all the ideals and joys I knew before, in my recent years of drinking and disappointment, what does he care if he hasn’t got any money: he doesn’t need any money, all he needs is his rucksack with those little plastic bags of dried food and a good pair of shoes and off he goes and enjoys the privileges of a millionaire in surroundings like this.

And what gouty millionaire could get up this rock anyhow? It took us all day to climb.” And I promised myself that I would begin a new life. “All over the West, and the mountains in the East, and the desert, I’ll tramp with a rucksack and make it the pure way.” I went to sleep after burying my nose under the sleeping bag and woke up around dawn shivering, the ground cold had seeped through the poncho and through the bag and my ribs were up against a damper damp than the damp of a cold bed. My breath was coming out in steams. I rolled over to the other ribs and slept more: my dreams were pure cold dreams like ice water, happy dreams, no nightmares.

“A blockquote highlights important information, which may or may not be an actual quote. It uses distinct styling to set it apart from other content on the page.The endless, agonizing recycling of what might have been, soon followed by a litany of rationalizations and self-deceptions as you struggle to reconcile the void between the person you want to be and the person you fear you are..”

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